The purpose of puzzling

As a father with two kids it isn’t always easy to find time for your own space to grow and develop personally. Juggling my entrepreneurial ambitions with my family life, I often ask myself how, when, and where should I squeeze in my own development, especially considering that I coach people in how to do just that. Yet, instead of worrying and fretting about too little time for my own space, I decided to shift my focus to that which I tell all my clients to do: the present moment. Now here’s the wonderful thing about being in the present moment: it is packed with lessons for life which you can apply to any other facet of your life you want to grow, be successful at, or even need help with. I had a profound insight while playing with my son a few weeks ago. I was really stressed out trying to reach my deadlines (albeit me having set them myself) in finishing some business projects, that I came home, and was trying my best to “just be a good father”. But my mind was somewhere else, constantly thinking of what else needed to be done, how much time I would have to allocate to planning finances, answering emails, preparing for clients and pursuing my own entrepreneurial work.

Problems are there to be solved, right?

On that saturday morning, we were all getting ready to go grocery shopping and I was telling my then 4 year old son to get dressed and brush his teeth. He replied that he would only do so, if we would buy him some Lego (which he really loves). Our reply was “NO! It’s not your birthday, or Easter or Christmas, we just don’t buy Lego like that!” Cut a long story short, it ended up in us shouting and him crying. Later on after we had imposed our will on him, we reconciled and went to get the groceries. Yet, something was off. I knew that our answer was complete baloney. We buy clothes and iphones, dine out, order things online whenever we need them or we like it, and don’t wait until Christmas, but yet we demand that our 4 year old son should know the difference. It dawned on me that evening that my son hadn’t demanded, hadn’t complained or whined, but simply insisted on wanting to have new Lego. While reflecting, I realised that he had been playing with his toys daily and that he simply outgrew them and wanted to continue to play and grow.

“And, of course, my 4 year old, didn’t say “Hey, Mom and Dad I really need some more Lego, because I finished playing and assembling the other ones, and I would love to have some new challenges, because I really enjoy learning how all of the pieces fit together. That way I can continue to grow and get better, have fun and stay curious, playful and motivated.”

So, how was his wanting to have some new Lego any different from us wanting to move to a bigger home, so we can grow and get better at being loving hosts, have more time to have fun with our friends, and enjoy interior decorating, cooking and providing a space of warmth and togetherness for those close to us? The more we grow individually and financially, the more we want to transfer that to our surrounding and expand the things we have and do. That’s just natural. So where’s the difference between our want and our son’s?

Exactly.

To make matters worse, I always tell my clients and everybody else that if they really want something, they should not let go of their wishes, but stay persistent, so that they can literally get to building their dreams. And here I was mowing over my son’s legit request. So here’s how this prequel ends: that evening I literally started crying and sobbing, because I felt that I was the worst dad in the world, shouting at my son for something that I actually teach and promote. The next day, I apologised to him, told him that I was wrong and that he was right (especially in the way he asked for it) to insist on that what he really wanted. We then, just him and I, went to the store and bought him some Lego.

NOW all’s good, right? Not yet…

A day later, him and I are assembling the Lego pieces and I, as usual, am trying to get everything put together as quickly as possible so that we can play with the spaceship. My son seems to have all the time in the world, patiently sitting next to me and handing over some pieces, while I’m thinking about creating video tutorials to make this damn assembly go faster. The spaceship is assembled, and my son asks me if he can go watch TV. I’m baffled. I didn’t ask him if he’s kidding me, but I did think it. Then it hit me. He didn’t care about the spaceship, he didn’t care about having the coolest Lego (btw right now it’s Nexo Knights if you’re wondering), he cared about playing with me! He knew that I enjoyed finding and piecing together Lego just as much as he did, and that if we have new Lego we would sit and play together. He didn’t care about the outcome, he only cared about doing what he enjoyed doing. I realised in that moment that for my son piecing together Lego, was the same as puzzling: it’s not about the picture in the end!

“The whole purpose of puzzling is to enjoy the process of figuring out how the pieces fit together and to celebrate your successes when you find the pieces that match. If it was about the outcome — the picture — why would you even buy a puzzle? Then just buy the picture and hang it on your wall. ”

With that, I realised why my entire approach on how I want to achieve my success was distorted. I realised that the reason I’m an entrepreneur, the reason I like to design, the reason I like to teach things myself, is because I love figuring out how things fit together. That is what brings me joy. So I decided to write down my end goals, make sure I was really clear on them, and then I shifted my entire awareness to the present moment. Every day I decide what pieces I can find and put together to help me assemble my puzzle of success, while reminding myself that the process in itself is what brings me joy, and not the outcome. That is not to say, that I won’t be exhilarated once I achieve my end goals, but it takes the stress and the pressure of having to reach something out of my daily life. That allows me to enjoy more of what I have, be grateful for the process itself and attract more of what I want: being present, thankful and always aware that I have everything I need at this moment. It’s simply my own ongoing challenge to be mindful of that.

If you truly understand that, then you will be so much more focussed and balanced in your activities. You won’t feel overwhelmed, you won’t stress yourself out for no reason, you won’t loose yourself in your quest for becoming successful. Instead, if you understand your why and become aware of what you’re doing in the present moment, the path becomes crystal clear. And every obstacle that you might face, really is just another piece you need to find out how to integrate, fit together, or maybe even realise that it belongs to a different puzzle, and just put it aside.

If you want to be successful, you need to really know why you’re doing things, follow that what you enjoy doing and notice exactly what the present moment is teaching you. I promise you, you will be astonished how obvious it will become which next steps you need to take to become successful.

Stay present, stay aware, and stay connected with what you love doing.

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