21 days without Instagram

The experts say it takes 21 days to create new habit. I think there is truth to that, but does it work on neurodivergent / traumatized people? asking for myself.

21 days ago I closed my accounts on Instagram and facebook in an outburst of desperation and the urge to disappear. I did it not because I was tired to watch my friend stories or the content of the influencers I follow; I mean, Instagram molded my feed according to my taste, so I was enjoying the entertainment.

I closed the accounts in an effort to no longer exist, I knew it was difficult to actually “un-live” myself so at least I could virtually do it, after all, somebody told me once, back in 2017, that I basically didn’t exist for not having instagram; so I did it because I wanted to be alone.

Sure, instagram is distracting and you can easily spend hours scrolling when you could be doing something more useful, or at least different, doesn't have to be productive; but I don't think that is a problem for me, I mean, being distracted is the least of my problems; but now that I don't have it, I don’t miss it; connection through memes is not real connection, and that could be an actual problem for me that I am thinking about just now, because at the moment I did not care about my “followers”, my friends, or even the memories I stored on the Instagram archives, then I guess I actually did something good by deleting it.

There are only two things I want out of Instagram: my pictures and stories, to store on my own cloud or computer, like in the old days; and to show off my relationship with my Daddy… I would love to surprise everyone with some sexy stories with him when we get together, don’t ask me why, I am just vain like that.

So yeah, I don't have instagram and I don't miss it; after all, the content I like is still out there in youtube or pinterest, and my friends are in my whatsapp contacts, so nothing was lost there. Then I don't know how much of a habit I really cultivated there; I most definitely would not be sharing this blog there, I feel cringe just to think about it; I already created an account for my drawings but I felt so disgusted with the whole dynamic, so I deleted that with even less remorse or thought. I like the apps I am currently using and I think I will keep it that way. Another advantage to not having instagram is getting rid of ex lovers that want to appear as friends, when they really don’t give a single fuck about what you are doing, only like to watch, not even stalk I would say; only watch mindlessly; that also annoyed me and all that instagram “etiquette” or unspoken rules around friends, potential “love interests” and should I say “previous love interest”. If I ever come back to the platform it would be the same as before for me; or maybe I would not pay any mind to the virtual “manners”.

There are other habits I do want to achieve in 21 days, such as going to the gym on a regular basis, making my own meals, keeping my gardening, tell my affirmations every morning and of course, writing here.

I am working currently on those habits, only I think 21 days is not enough for me, 21 days don’t seem enough to re-wire a 33 yo neurodivergent and traumatized brain that is used to certain way of coping with things.

Anyway, I think I will give this positive habits creation another 21 days; that means that I will follow up this entry (#8) on day 42 without instagram, or maybe it would be more suitable to do it on entry #21, that means in 4 weeks if I stick to my plan of posting 3 days every week, on July 21st to be accurate. I like that… I am excited to see what I come up with by then.

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