Starting Points

How often do we wish we could become better people and yet stay trapped in our old habits and patterns? We attempt to change by sheer force of will or by riding a Jesus high. The problem is that it never seems to stick. New Year’s resolutions fail, you fall back into the old habit, it just seems impossible to get away from the chains that bind us and the patterns that rule us.

How then do we move forward? Are we just not good enough or not strong enough or not committed enough? Perhaps the problem is not that we do not want to become better people enough but rather that we do not have an accurate view of who we are now. Often, we are told to not let our actions define us and yet that is how everyone else defines you and how you define others. So then what do we do with our actions influence on our person-hood?

Instead of doubling down on boundaries and commitments and plans perhaps what needs to be done is to accept that the actions you are most ashamed of are not actually separate from you. You (not other people deciding for you) must accept that habit or that pattern is actually a part of you. It is not separate or other but rather just as much you as anything that you have done that makes you most proud.

This is not yet another attempt to tell people how messed up they are and how if they just had enough faith then Jesus will make it all better. Hard work, suffering, and loss will be required for this journey. As you begin to accept the negative in you, your shadow, then you can actually begin to make progress. How can you change something of which you have no ownership? Why would you endure if you have no stake for loss? Somehow once we actually see who we fully are, our strengths and weaknesses, our triumphs and our pitfalls, then we can begin to move forward.

The story is told so often that it has become cheesy and boring. If you would only accept yourself for who you are then everything will be okay. The problem is that it is often presented in a way that all you need to do is accept yourself and immediately “happily-ever-after” sets in. Instead, we need to understand that the acceptance of yourself is not so that you can continue on doing the same old thing but rather so that you can take hold of the shadow and own it. The ownership is not the end of the story but rather the beginning. It is the beginning of change, growth, and deep pain. It is not easy to actually say, “This thing that I am most ashamed of, yeah, that is me. I did that.”

How can you accept and encourage anyone else if you cannot even accept and love yourself? Starting today notice your own actions. Focus on them and whether they are good or bad, think “That is me. I did that.” Change can begin after you see who you are right now. How can you reach a destination if you do not even know where you are now? There may be some things in your past that you will need to take ownership of and atone for, however, today just begin to see who you truly are at this moment not who you want to be in the future or who you used to be. Just see you now.

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